The Path I chose…wait no take out the “I”

Jnana yoga- the yoga of knowledge, aspirants use their will and discrimination to disidentify themselves from the body, mind, and senses until they know they are nothing but Self.

Bhakti yoga- the yoga of devotion, achieves goal of Self by identifying themselves completely with the Lord in love

Karma yoga- the yoga of selfless action, the aspirant dissolves their identification with body and mind by identifying with the whole of life, forgetting finite self in the service of others.

The path that resonates most with my lifestyle or the one I resonate most with is Karma all the way. I want to say I am doing but that is ignorant and false according to the Gita. So I will say this, I feel most connected with God when I am helping others. Truly helping, you know offering kind words when they seem like they need them. Giving people a hug when they look on the brink of tears. Offering people my kindness when they truly believed there was none left in the world. Of course I don’t know all this when I do offer my help; I only learn of it afterwards. I suppose that would explain would explain why I always want to be a doctor and now an Art Therapist. I have always wanted to help people.  I can’t explain the reason why it used to be because it made me feel good but then I started doing “kind” things to get recognition and when it didn’t come I felt cheated. Not sure when I realized that doing things to get a thank usually lead to not getting one, but I eventually figured out that when I gave my help for no other reason than to help, I not only got their thank…..I realized I didn’t need it. It is nice to know I was appreciated but that was not the main purpose. So yeah Karma all the way.

He has 99 problems

Describe Arjuna’s dilemma and a similar experience in your own life.

Arjuna’s dilemma in the first six chapters can be described in many different ways but I am going to talk about the basic dilemma.  Arjuna feels he can’t do what he knows needs to be done. Furthermore, he can’t do what needs to be done because he doesn’t want to be the cause of others pain (in his case death). He doesn’t want to stand up for what is right because that means confronting family and close friends. He is stuck between a rock and a hard place and he doesn’t want to move; instead he would rather let the rock crush him. His other problem is getting indirect/direct advice from a trusted friend. The latter is not really a problem it is just irritating when you ask for someone’s advice in should you do something or shouldn’t you and they do not answer in a direct way. I have been in a similar situation so many times it is hard to narrow down and talk about one. Okay I just narrowed and tweaked Arjuna’s dilemma to suit my story. Arjuna can’t do what he needs to because of fear. About three weeks ago maybe more I found myself in a state of inaction, as you can see because I am just now writing this blog. I was in full fledged panic attack mode so much so that my chest physically started hurting and felt I was losing my mind. Like Arjuna I found myself in a state of inaction and mind set of just giving up and letting what happens….happen. While Arjuna’s worries were very real and understandable mines weren’t. Arjuna couldn’t act because he didn’t want to be the cause of people death; I couldn’t act because fear paralyzed me. Literally, I was fretting over not doing my work and the magnitude of that fret kept me from focusing enough to do said work. The advice Arjuna received came from a holy being and mines came from my therapist. They both basically the same thing stop worrying and start doing. Krishna, in so many words, told Arjuna what he worried about had no substance because if you reach the level of Self it matters not. My therapist told me what I am worry about has no substance because well it is the future that will never happen if I am stuck in “what ifs”. I hope this what I am supposed to blog about.  

Not a real blog

I will get to my real blogs in the next hour and half or so but I just wanted to ask........How people could read the Gita and not think "Wow sounds a lot like Christianity?" I don't see how the connection is not made. Granted I am not the most spiritual person out there. I don't regularly testify; I am pretty sure I have never witness, and there was even a time in my life I was pissed at God (I finally acknowledge it and eventually got over it). Oh and I think that people who make "Jesus" cookies need to go through something traumatic because if you can reduce Christ down to a cookie cut out and you are not a child.....then you obviously haven't been through enough. I apologize if any of you find healing in making Jesus shaped cookies but yeah no stop that spend your time doing something else Christ related.

Sorry got off on a tangent. Anyway my point is I don't see how anyone could believe that Christ is the only way to God when they have read the Gita. Then I realized that the devote Christian (I use the word loosely) haven't read the Gita....which also make me realized that when I do have kids that they will be reading this book along with the Bible, the Qur'an, and The Torah. I may even make them read Greek mythology. If I raise children that believe Christ is the only way to God and they want to prove so by making Jesus cut out cookies; I want it to be an intelligent informed decision not one bred out of ignorance like mines was before I entered the BIC.

My room is clean and the middle channel is opening (THANK THE HOLY HEAVENS!!!!!)

First, let me just say I am so thankful that you started the class off reading “How Yoga Works”. I would not be this into the yoga philosophy if you didn’t.

So my practice for this week left much to be desired. However, I got myself into gear yesterday. Before I talk about my yesterday, I want to talk about practice in class. First, I  apologize for invading your space I didn’t meant to just awkward setting and I don’t know if I apologized for kicking you in the face that day but I am sorry for that too(geez I would fail me on principle). Speaking of headstand in the middle of the room, I am so surprised I could do it. When you said I should be ready to try it in the middle of the room, all I could think was “yeah right but what the hey”.  It shocked me when I could actually do it but thee success made we realize that is why you get paid you the big bucks (because you challenge your students beyond what they believe their limits are).  Practicing a headstand in the middle of the room is like starting from scratch: I am wobbly, a little unsure, and can’t hold it for long but that is okay because I am up (so yay me). Now on the other side of the spectrum I can’t do a proper shoulder stand to save my life; it is ironic but sums up my life in a nutshell. The difficult stuff I try, I fail a couple of time but I keep trying and eventually I not only succeed, I start to excel. The “easier” things I can’t accomplish.  I try and when it doesn’t work out I get frustrated and basically give up because this is supposed to be easy so what is wrong with me that it is not. So instead of working on what is proving more difficult I focus all my attention on what I am having no problem in (makes me feel better about myself….I should stop that). Oh you know how in my last blog I mention not wanting to go to class felt the same this week but I went Tuesday and Thursday I had to meeting about my student show so it saved me the fight with myself.

Friday I cleaned my room and wrote my practice blogs for the week before and it felt so good. I even vacuumed and before you think me disgusting, I usually sweep all the trash in a corner because I have to borrow a vacuum. Yesterday, I walked over to the office and check one out came back and clean and with that I started my at home yoga practice for that first time that week (the cleaning of my room is the practice I am referring too). Today I did a real practice: tadasana, standing forward bend, tree pose(my foot actually stayed on my thigh), all three warriors, triangle, revolving triangle, dancer pose, camel, locus, and I think cobra, down dog, up dog, plank, headstand(of course), and I even attempted shoulder stand to no avail.  I feel like I am finally breathing for the first time in a month. You can always tell when I have a fulfilling practice because I can’t stop talking. So I am ending but my question to you is “How can I improve my shoulder stand without props to set up?” Oh and on the middle channel……it is starting to un-chock.

Last thing the harassing thoughts sutra is II.33 and is on page 255 if you have “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali: New Edition, Translation, and Commentary” by Edward F. Bryant….I think it is the one you suggested.

My room is dirty (practice blog week Oct 23-29)

I know what you are thinking and no I have not lost my mind yet (bet I am giving it my best shot). I point out the fact my room was dirty for that tell you two things…..I wasn’t knocking on the pipes or cleaning out the inside with a stick. Since my home practice was nothing more than a sketch or headstand here or there, I will turn my attention to practice inside of class. I did not want to go to class. I didn’t want to go that Tuesday or Thursday but I went anyway and I am glad I did. I didn’t read but at least I went to class. It helps, the yoga practice helps. I think it is a mixture of the actual practice and the laughing done in the class (so please never stop the joking). See this is the problem with writing a practice blog two weeks after it is due and your mind is in disarray, your weeks start to blend together. I don’t know what it that is keeping me from practicing yoga philosophically but I need to find out and eliminate it because it is driving me crazy. Even trying to practice for my brother isn’t working anymore because he pulled some tom foolery and though I know with every wrong move I make I am planting negative seeds to keep a vicious cycle going I still plant them. I can’t cultivate positive thoughts because I am exhausted from the constant hammering of the bad. It is like the negative moods and thoughts that were replace   with a month or so of positive growth are retaliating with a vengeance and I was caught off guard. I don’t even think this a practice blog anymore except that I didn’t really practice a home and the only positive seeds I planted that week was when I went to class even though I didn’t want to go. I wish I could say the next week got better but it didn’t. You will hear about that tomorrow.